Why am I so jealous?

This sounds completely and utterly ridiculous in my own head, but sounds even worse as I write it down. I am really quite jealous of anyone who is pregnant at the moment. There I said it. I don’t where it comes from, the thought of being pregnant and looking after a needy little baby as well as a toddler, frankly scares me to death. But I don’t know, my heart kind of aches for another addition to our family and a sibling to my little boy.

The other day I had a conversation with a work colleague who was telling me about how she keeps a stash of girly toys at hand for whenever her little granddaughters visit. Prams and pushchairs, dollys and handbags are a regular sight in her household when the little ones come over to play. Then she said something that triggered something inside me “Well next time it could be a little girl for you”…… of course I laughed it off and said something about liking my sleep too much. But the reality is, I would love for that to be true!

We know a couple who announced that they were pregnant a month or so ago and I am guessing that they should be going for their 20 week scan soon. I am praying that it isn’t a little girl, its terribly selfish of me. But I just know that it will bring all these feelings to the surface again and I don’t want to act on them. Not yet anyway.

I am scared about going on maternity pay. I am scared about the pain of childbirth. I am scared about how I will cope with two children on very little sleep. I am scared that I will not cope with my return to work and that I could be pushed out of my job. But I long for another child.

Mother Nature you really are a bitch.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

Ta ta all xxx


Our Sleep Routine


Ever since the little tyke was a couple of months old we tried to install a basic sleep routine. It was quite difficult for the first six months, as young babies feed frequently and he had to have his naps in his moses basket in the lounge until we went upstairs to bed. Once he was six months old and we could put him upstairs to bed before ourselves, it became much easier to stick to a more rigid routine. I recall leading up to this point I got quite stressed and googled every routine under the sun. I wanted to do it right. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to stop being so damn silly. Do what suits you.

Our Sleep Routine

Between 6:00 and 6:30pm we encourage quieter play or watch something calming like ‘In the Night Garden’. I just have to say, that programme is so bizarre and has the little man entranced. I have never seen anything quite like it!

At 6:30pm we take him upstairs to his bedroom and he will not be allowed back downstairs until the next morning. We have been strict about this from a very early age, but perhaps this easier for us because we do not have other children who we are worried about disturbing at night.

He gets a little bit exited when he first goes to his room and will start walking around playing or will pick books off the shelf to read. We settle him and change his nappy, apply his moisturiser (for his eczema) and put on his pyjamas. When he was little I would always use blankets but I much prefer to use sleeping bags now as he is such a fidget!

We have a dimmer switch in his room, so at this point we will dim the lights a little and turn on some white noise. The white noise is played on his BT monitor at a very low level and we will lower it until we eventually faze it out.

He is still drinking his bedtime and morning bottle and its getting a bit hard to shift. He is feeding himself though, so it is work in progress! After his bottle he will have a dummy and I will read him a random book from his book shelf like Postman Bear or The Gruffalo. This will be followed by one last story ‘Bedtime for Peppa’, which is a nice tone to settle your child before sleepy time.

After a hug and a kiss on the head, he is put into the cot with his blanky toy, I turn off the lights and say “night night, love you lots”. I turn off the lights on the landing and leave him to settle himself. The vast majority of the time he settles himself to sleep very well, but it doesn’t always work and we may have to pop upstairs to help him settle.

Do any of you have sleep routine tips that you would like to share? I would be interested to hear your thoughts!

I am quite sleepy myself after all this sleep talk! Night night all and ta ta for now xx

Liebster Award

My little boy is growing up

Favourite family films

The birthing playlist that never was


I had planned on a water birth, but as some of you may know, Mother Nature does not always follow your desired plan. The reality for me, was being rushed into the delivery room ten minutes after I arrived at the hospital because I was already 8cm dilated! No drugs! No pool! No relaxing, calming birthing music!

I later found the CD compilation that I put together in the bottom of my hospital bag, never to be used. I still have the folder on my computer, lets have a look at some of the songs I put together on the playlist –

  • Carnival – The Cardigans
  • Lets stay together – Al Green
  • Cupid – Amy Winehouse
  • The sea – Morcheeba
  • Don’t stop – Fleetwood Mac
  • The distance – Cake
  • You do something to me – Paul Weller
  • Ten storey love song – The Stone Roses
  • Walking on a dream – Empire of the Sun
  • You’ve got the love – Florence and the Machine
  • To the End – Blur
  • Golden Years – David Bowie
  • Days – Kirsty MacColl
  • Wild horses – The Sundays
  • Love of my life – Queen

I wanted to put together songs that relaxed me and I liked. Listening to whale music, wind chimes or panpipes would totally have the opposite effect on me (they play this kind of music in the beauticians I visit and it irritates the heck out of me). I knew I would be nervous and it had to be something familiar to me, something that helped me think positive, calm thoughts. At the time, I googled other mothers birthing lists and found that a lot of them were quite comical, would you seriously want to give birth to ‘Push it’ by Salt N Peppa? Not for me, thank you!

Did any of you plan a birthing playlist? Did you get to use it? Its such a personal choice for us all and it can be a great thing to help motivate/relax you during childbirth.

Take care all, ta ta for now xxx

Too tired for more babies?


Lately I have felt so, so tired and I really don’t understand why. We are way past the night feed stage and the little tyke is sleeping fairly well at the moment but I still feel sapped of energy. Its when I feel like this that it makes me wonder; could I cope having another baby? I don’t know if I can and that makes me feel a little bit sad. Am I alone in feeling like this?

I found the baby stage really, really hard. For the first six months I did not enjoy it at all and I felt very low at times. The sleep deprivation was so hard to deal with and I struggled with the physical after effects of giving birth for a long while. Please don’t get me wrong, the first time I layed eyes on my son it was love at first sight, but I felt absolutely useless in the beginning. I didn’t know how to do anything and I had zero confidence in my abilities. If I did it again of course I would probably be better, in fact I know I could be better. But I still worry how I would do.

If I am honest, I would love a little brother or sister for the little tyke some day. It would be lovely to see him bond and play with another sibling, he would make such a good big brother. But if it didn’t happen for whatever reason would he still be ok and how would I feel? Would I regret it? I guess work is not really helping me at the moment, its been pretty full on and the stress is probably contributing to the tiredness more than anything. Also, the little tyke is walking now, so he is into everything and he can be bit of handful at times. But I love how he is now, he’s so great at this age and I will miss this time. Please don’t grow up too quickly little tyke!

There is so much to look forward to with our little family and I am excited about what the future has to hold. With regards to extending it one day; it may or may not happen. Who knows how I will feel in time to come?

Ta ta for now xxx