Why am I so jealous?

This sounds completely and utterly ridiculous in my own head, but sounds even worse as I write it down. I am really quite jealous of anyone who is pregnant at the moment. There I said it. I don’t where it comes from, the thought of being pregnant and looking after a needy little baby as well as a toddler, frankly scares me to death. But I don’t know, my heart kind of aches for another addition to our family and a sibling to my little boy.

The other day I had a conversation with a work colleague who was telling me about how she keeps a stash of girly toys at hand for whenever her little granddaughters visit. Prams and pushchairs, dollys and handbags are a regular sight in her household when the little ones come over to play. Then she said something that triggered something inside me “Well next time it could be a little girl for you”…… of course I laughed it off and said something about liking my sleep too much. But the reality is, I would love for that to be true!

We know a couple who announced that they were pregnant a month or so ago and I am guessing that they should be going for their 20 week scan soon. I am praying that it isn’t a little girl, its terribly selfish of me. But I just know that it will bring all these feelings to the surface again and I don’t want to act on them. Not yet anyway.

I am scared about going on maternity pay. I am scared about the pain of childbirth. I am scared about how I will cope with two children on very little sleep. I am scared that I will not cope with my return to work and that I could be pushed out of my job. But I long for another child.

Mother Nature you really are a bitch.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

Ta ta all xxx


The birthing playlist that never was


I had planned on a water birth, but as some of you may know, Mother Nature does not always follow your desired plan. The reality for me, was being rushed into the delivery room ten minutes after I arrived at the hospital because I was already 8cm dilated! No drugs! No pool! No relaxing, calming birthing music!

I later found the CD compilation that I put together in the bottom of my hospital bag, never to be used. I still have the folder on my computer, lets have a look at some of the songs I put together on the playlist –

  • Carnival – The Cardigans
  • Lets stay together – Al Green
  • Cupid – Amy Winehouse
  • The sea – Morcheeba
  • Don’t stop – Fleetwood Mac
  • The distance – Cake
  • You do something to me – Paul Weller
  • Ten storey love song – The Stone Roses
  • Walking on a dream – Empire of the Sun
  • You’ve got the love – Florence and the Machine
  • To the End – Blur
  • Golden Years – David Bowie
  • Days – Kirsty MacColl
  • Wild horses – The Sundays
  • Love of my life – Queen

I wanted to put together songs that relaxed me and I liked. Listening to whale music, wind chimes or panpipes would totally have the opposite effect on me (they play this kind of music in the beauticians I visit and it irritates the heck out of me). I knew I would be nervous and it had to be something familiar to me, something that helped me think positive, calm thoughts. At the time, I googled other mothers birthing lists and found that a lot of them were quite comical, would you seriously want to give birth to ‘Push it’ by Salt N Peppa? Not for me, thank you!

Did any of you plan a birthing playlist? Did you get to use it? Its such a personal choice for us all and it can be a great thing to help motivate/relax you during childbirth.

Take care all, ta ta for now xxx

First Time Mum – Top Tips!

During my six months of maternity leave it was a pretty steep learning curve and there were many errors made and triumphs achieved along the way. I thought that if I am to ever go through this experience again (still not ready to even consider it!) I would not want to repeat the same mistakes. This is where my trusty notepad came in handy, maybe some of my notes could be of help to you –

Maternity leave – Batch cook lots and lots of lovely home cooked meals. Its going to be very hard to put decent meals together for a little while! Stock up on wet wipes, nappy bags, cotton wool, bath products, nappy cream and nappies every time you go for your weekly shop. Buy lots of kitchen towel to dry up changing table messes and plenty of hand cream for all the bottle washing!

Nappies – Aldi nappies are almost as good as Pampers but considerably cheaper. I would just buy a pack of pampers for nighttime nappies.

Nursery – I bought an Ikea  Trofast storage frame, plus 3 plastic storage boxes with lids (also from Ikea) for the nursery. One box for changing materials (nappy cream, cotton wool, wet wipes etc), one box for medicines and one box for bath lotions and potions. We can always use the unit for his toys when he gets older. I also purchased a Jennylund armchair for nursing which is very reasonably priced.


Baby outfits – They are a total waste of time for the first 6 months. You have to change lots of nappies and outfits are far too flipping fiddly during nappy changes. Stick to sleep suits and body suits. Much more practical. Plus, newborn outfits last perhaps the first 3-4 weeks and perhaps not at all on big babies. Don’t buy too much.

Feeding – The holy grail of formula feeding… the Tommy Tippee Prep Machine. What would I have ever done without you? I also bought Munchkin Powdered Formula Dispenser to help with the night feeds. I would add however many scoops needed for each bottle into each of the three compartments, so I wouldn’t have to do this at silly o’clock in the morning. I would always mess it up and have to start again before I bought this! Oh and the best tip I would have is buy yourself a chalk board or white board to write down feeding times. In the early days your mind will be so foggy you will easily lose track.

Baby sleep – I used an ocean sounds white noise app from his first night at home and would recommend giving it a whirl. It helps to block out any possible noises that might disturb them and its pretty nice for Mummy and Daddy too. We also started a little bit of a routine in the early months with closing all the curtains and turning the lights off upstairs before going to bed. When had night feeds we did not talk, play or make too much eye contact to give us the best chance of getting him back off to sleep again. We also have a dimmer switch in his room that helps keep the lights low and we find this really helps.

Dummies – I was adamant that I wouldn’t use them and cried when I gave in and let him use one for the first time. Used sparingly they are ok. I bought some little carry cases to put them in when we are out and about to keep them clean.

Baby monitor – Get a video monitor for peace of mind. We moved our son into his own bedroom at 6/7 months and I felt super nervous. Our BT Video Baby Monitor 7500 Lightshow works really well and also has the added feature of sounds to soothe your baby or toddler.


Well thats it from me today, ta ta for now! xx



What went in my hospital bag

15 months after setting up my Wordpress account here is my first post – What I put in my hospital bag. Ta da!

So I set up my blog account over 15 months ago and this is my first post. Better late than never I say! I knew becoming a Mummy would be hard but I guess nothing can prepare you for the role, it hits you like a ton of bricks. So much has happened since the birth of my little boy (sleepless nights, starting nursery, weaning, starting back at work and moving house) and all before his first birthday. So I am pleased to say it does get easier and that’s why I am sitting here today writing this post. Along the way I made constant notes about things that worked for me, and I hope that this blog can be of help to other first time mothers.

Looking back at my notebook, the first page covered what to pack in my hospital bag. I think I packed mine at around 38 weeks, just in case! I packed one bag for the baby (Pink Lining Blooming Gorgeous bag) and one bag (Antler Urbanite holdall bag) for myself.

Baby Bag

  • scratch mitts x 2
  • socks x 2
  • bibs x 2
  • cotton hat (white) x 1
  • wool hat (yellow) x 1
  • wool cardigan (white) x 1
  • muslin cloths x 3
  • bodysuit/vests (yellow & white) x 3
  • sleep suits (yellow & white) x 2
  • blanket (white) x 1
  • towel (white) x 1
  • nappy sacks x 10
  • nappy cream x 1
  • baby wipes x 1 pack
  • antibacterial hand gel x 1
  • nappy x 8
Baby hospital bag
Baby hospital bag



My Bag (for Mummy and Daddy)

  • snacks (crisps, tracker bars and jelly babies)
  • t-shirts x 2 (for Daddy)
  • puzzle book, magazine and pen (ha ha ha… that never got used!)
  • maternity pads x 2 packs
  • disposable underwear
  • slippers x 1
  • pink pyjamas x 1
  • long nightie x 1
  • flannel
  • underwear
  • breast pads
  • socks
  • outfit to wear home
  • change for parking
  • charger for phone
  • dressing gown
  • vest (as I had planned for water birth)
Bernie the bear
Bernie the bear

Wash Bag

  • deodorant (for Daddy)
  • face wipes
  • toothbrush
  • toothpaste
  • lip balm
  • nipple balm
  • moisturiser
  • body wash
  • deodorant for me

We also threw a pack of nappies and box of formula in the boot.

If I were to do it all over again I would make a few changes to the list. I would advise bringing a pillow from home, those hospital beds are so uncomfortable and you really need your rest! Pick a couple of pairs of pyjamas in a dark pattern to wear around the hospital and a lightweight dressing gown. Plenty of change is a must as you cannot guarantee good phone signal. I think I got the baby bag spot on and I didn’t really need anything extra when I was there.

Hope this post has been handy! Ta ta for now!